Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America :



Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as


'HILLBILLIES.'





You must now refer to them as



APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS .




And furthermore



HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:







1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a
'BREASTED AMERICAN. '




2. She is not 'EASY' - She is



'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE..'



3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a



'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY..'



4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a



'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'



5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes



'VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'



6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a



'LOW COST PROVIDER.'



HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:



1.. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a


'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'



2.. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is



'OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'



3... He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He


'INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS..'



4.. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in


'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'



5.. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of


RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'


(Loved this one!)



AND FOR DICK SPRING:




6.. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's


'TROUSER CLEAVAGE..'